We’ve all gotten it.
Whether you got writer’s block while writing something recreational or a research paper/essay/anything for school, I am sure we all know the horrible feeling.
I feel like I’ve had writer’s block for at least half of my life, but I can be dramatic. I remember deciding to be a writer when I was 13 or 14. I remember starting stories and never being able to finish them. I remember BSing essays for school because the right words just never made it to the front of my mind. (I’m pretty sure I could’ve had a better GPA if my brain worked the way I needed it to — though we could probably all say the same thing.)
Near the end of high school, I started to realize there was something wrong with me, and it wasn’t just that I wasn’t as creative as I used to be. Once I was in my third year of college, I went to see a counselor and was kind of diagnosed with depression. Kind of because the counselor said she was “pretty sure” I was depressed and because a doctor gave me medicine for depression (it never actually worked).
Anyway, once I was “kind of” diagnosed with some form of depression, I started wondering if maybe that was the reason I never felt motivated to write. While the medicine I was taking made no difference, the possibility of finally getting help for my mental illness lifted my spirits. At that time in the semester, I was taking four English classes (which is to be expected for an English major), one of which was a creative writing class. I kind of hated my professor because he was the kind of guy who told us everything we couldn’t do in our writing and never told us what we were doing right. I managed to write a couple of short stories, and I passed the class, which was nice. I really think it had something to do with feeling like my mental illness was going to be helped.
Because the medicine never worked and my insurance doesn’t cover enough of the cost for another medicine, I am no longer trying to do anything about my depression, and I haven’t really been able to write creatively since then.
Every so often an idea presents itself, something for a short story or a poem or a novel or just a blog post even, and I cannot figure out how to form sentences. This is partly why I haven’t written anything for here since my first post, but also because I second guess myself a lot.
I’ve decided to try something new to help with my writing, and hopefully it helps in all aspects of my life as well. Part of my depression and anxiety is believing I’m not good enough. Well, since this is a blog for me, and no one has to follow me here, I’ve decided to try not to care what anyone thinks about what or how I write. I know a lot of grammar rules, but sometimes I break them without even realizing it. I know how to spell things, but sometimes my brain still writes out their instead of there (I am ashamed, but I almost always catch it). I feel like if I focus less on what anyone else is going to think about my writing, and focus more on actually writing, I can get a lot done.
So if anyone reading this has the same problem I do — fear to write because people might hate it — remind yourself that writing is a process. Write for yourself, edit for others (but also for yourself because reading something thats’s written well is just nice). I’m sure if we stick by that, we’ll go far…fingers crossed!
(Featured image credit: workathomeandlivelife.com )
Searching for Serotonin 